Mark Beaird | Sharing God's Message of Hope and Healing
Mark Beaird | Sharing God's Message of Hope and Healing
Mark Beaird | Sharing God's Message of Hope and Healing

Improving Communication

When emotions run high between two people it can be difficult to have a productive and healthy conversation. Often those involved are more concerned with disputing what the other person is saying, or defending oneself, instead of listening and trying to understand the other's perspective. To achieve understanding, and hopefully a productive outcome to the conversation, try using the following pattern for your conversation. (Note: this is my version of a familiar approach)

First, if possible, sit down, calm down, face one another, and speak normally. This will allow you to better focus and be more aware of subtle visual ques from the other person's expressions, allowing you to make slight adjustments to your conversation. The person being spoken to should remain quiet and listen to the speaker with the intent of completely understanding. Offer some positive affirmation as you begin such as, "I love you and want us to get past something that is bothering me."

Second, organize your thoughts in this manner: I see. I feel. I need. Can you help me?

Example:

As you conclude, thank them for listening and allow them to respond. Ideally, the other person has remained quiet and listened. Now, they can respond to what was said and requested. If the request can be granted, do it. If not, negotiate by responding, "I can do this... but not that." Make a positive counter offer. Negotiate. Problem-solve. But stay positive and cooperative.

If conversation has brought another issue to the mind of the hearer, it is his or her turn to begin the same process to present his or her need and request. (I see. I feel. I need. Can you help me?)