Mark Beaird | Sharing God's Message of Hope and Healing
Mark Beaird | Sharing God's Message of Hope and Healing
Mark Beaird | Sharing God's Message of Hope and Healing

For Men: How to Revive the Romance

  1. Do not idealize yours or anyone else's relationship. There are no perfect relationships and no perfect partners. Fantasize a little with her. Take time to talk about what would be good—not about what is wrong. Offer a few "likes" at a time stopping to hear what she would like. In terms of romance, set realistic goals you both want and agree upon and understand, sometimes desires don't match—even with people in love. Your sexual fancies should be suited to you and yours, and not an attempted duplication of another's.
  2. Be the man she thought she was marrying. Understand, your original courtship set her level of expectations of you. Some men have the erroneous idea that courtship is a game in which he does what he has to do to get the woman to marry him. Once this is accomplished, some think they can relax. After all, there is no way he could keep that up forever. Wrong! You didn't win her like a prize or trophy, you earned the right to be in relationship with her. Now it's time to live up to the image we promoted.
  3. Love sacrificially. Giving up the idea that she must reciprocate every gesture you make in a similar manner is necessary. When people have been in a relationship for a while they usually begin to expect… However, do not go-it-alone. There should be understood expectations of reciprocation so that one is not doing all the giving and one doing all the receiving. That only fosters resentment.
  4. Help her to feel she is the center of your world. If you did it when you were dating and you can do it now. If you didn't do it then, do it now. Focus your positive attention on her. Refrain from petty criticism. Put your best foot forward. Cherish her. Help her to feel wanted and special. Be considerate of her first when planning time together or apart or with others. Any woman knows when she is the center of her man's attention. Never let her doubt it.
  5. Love her with words and actions first. Getting her "in the mood" is more likely if you have been speaking to her in loving tones or at least politely over the last few days—preferably all week. No man is such a stud that he can criticize and be harsh with a woman 90% of the time and then turn the charm on the day of or thirty minutes before bedtime and expect her to genuinely welcome the idea of romance with him.
  6. Improve your lovemaking. No, of course I know you have that handled and are doing great in that area. However, just for the sake of variety, let us say you try a new approach, a slower approach, or perhaps learn a few new things. Every so often, it can be a good thing to lay aside everything we know, or think we know, about sex and then start learning again. Read articles on sites like,, and even There are many books like, Loving Sex: The book of joy and passion by Laura Berman. Just stay away from using porn to "educate" yourself. That could lead to some unrealistic expectations and comparisons. Whether we want to admit it, every man can up his game, including us.
  7. Think in terms of romance and not sex. Most experts agree there is no way to keep the passion the same in a long-term relationship; however, it is possible to keep the passion in the relationship. By focusing on the romance and the passion instead of the sex act, you both will be less likely to be disappointed. Let's face it, passion and romance are exciting and enjoyable and doesn't have to always include sex, however when all a couple have is sex, both will usually be disappointed. Cultivate the romance and the passion and allow the sex an opportunity to happen naturally.
  8. Keep going when discouraged. When reviving the romance in a relationship, to some degree and at some point, frustration is to be expected. The fact the romance needs reviving implies it has lost its energy. This takes time to get going again on a consistent basis. Add to this, physical changes as we all get older, interruptions of our schedule, less time together, and more and there will be periods one may become frustrated. Plus, it is possible to do all the right things and not get the desired response. Why? We cannot, and should not, control people. We cannot force them to feel what we do or what we want them to feel and the more we try, the less likely they will be able to respond as we want. Nevertheless, by being consistent with the right words and behavior we just might be able to revive the romance.